Occam's Razor

It’s a little early for my monthly review of the local (Hartford, Connecticut) Craigslist casual encounter section. I usually wait until the first Friday of the month because weekend postings tend to the most weird. But I’m between clients at the moment and a bit bored. Moreover, I’ve done a lot of weighty posts lately so it’s time for a bit of fantasy, which is almost always the case for these postings being realized.

Looking at my August traffic, there were at least 221 web page requests for my Craigslist posts on a total of 1376 page views. So while overall page views were in their usual summer doldrums, my Craigslist post accounted for 16% of traffic, up from last month.

Looking at who’s posting I count the types of ads on the first page that comes up. It’s mostly men looking for other men today. I was thinking after the recent Ashley Madison hack the married men would have moved to Craigslist, but apparently not in large numbers. Anyhow:

• 30 men are looking for a woman
• 48 men are looking for a man
• 6 men are looking for a couple
• 4 men are looking for a transgender/transvestite
• 0 women are looking for a man. That’s likely because their ads were quickly flagged.
• 4 women are looking for a woman
• 2 couples are looking for a woman
• 1 transgender/transvestite is looking for a man
• 1 transgender/transvestite is looking for a transgender/transvestite

Time to put on the dark shades and latex gloves and document some of this month’s weird nastiness. Since there aren’t many postings from women today, I’m going to spice it up by adding some postings from women more locally, i.e. the Western Massachusetts Craigslist section.

• She’s a married BBW from Windsor Locks and her husband is okay with you screwing her bareback. In fact, he only wants you to take her bareback because apparently because he’s apparently quite interested in whatever you end up depositing. Eee-yuck!
• Lots of women post for very well endowed men. Here’s a twist. Here’s a guy who wants you served his way. Hold the pickles; ladies he only wants you if you have big buns. And he wants to plant some hickeys on those buns too.
• This is pretty strange. He sounds like a married farmer in the Farmington Valley but he’s willing to provide a free room to a woman if he gets to look at you (presumably undressed). He won’t touch you unless you are okay with it. You do have to help with chores. And somehow his wifey is not going to figure this out.
• Attention Home Depot security at the Glastonbury store. He’s 40 and stroking his eight inches in the store (discreetly, I hope) and is hoping to find a man to join him. Let’s hope they don’t scare the women, children and horses.
• He’s hoping! He’s near Wethersfield and he’s hoping you’re a woman with a car and you will pick him up for some naughty stuff because his car is in the shop and his roommates annoy him. He’s probably still sporting acne (he’s 19).
• Now this is interesting. It’s illegal to exchange money for sex but I don’t think it’s illegal to barter for sex. In exchange for a woman’s pleasure he’ll provide handyman services. It sounds though like he wants a lot of your services in exchange, so I’m not sure it’s a fair deal. Ladies, he’s got six inches and he lives near Plainville.
• I was dimly aware of a device called a fleshlight. It’s a wanking device for a man who has everything but a woman with a vagina. I didn’t know it came in a double size so two (presumably gay) men could use it at once. Anyhow, this young man from Windsor Heights is looking for another man for multiple dual fleshlight sessions.
• They claim to be three people from Newington (two men, one woman) that play together. They are looking for a fourth, and she needs to be a she. Anyhow, in the unlikely event a woman tries to hook up with this triad, I’m betting the woman in the triad is mysteriously absent and came down with a sudden cold or something.
• About that transgender looking for a transgender? She is now a he and all the surgery is behind him. He is now looking for a fellow transitioning male in any stage of his transition for naughty intimate play mostly involving his new part.
• He’s from Manchester and is looking for Hooters girls only. He’ll make it worth your while.
• Attention grandpas near Southampton, Massachusetts. (I might add it is about five miles down the road from me and I happen to be old enough to be a grandpa.) Anyhow, if you have had your Cialis and you don’t mind catching some dread disease this submissive woman from Southampton wants you to take her bareback. Umm, pass.
• I don’t quite understand why a butch lesbian would be advertising for a guy but she’s all-natural apparently. Either she’s bisexual or she’s hoping to get pregnant.

That’s about all the weirdness I can find this month. Perhaps there will be better postings in October.