Occam's Razor

And we’re back with our monthly local look at Craigslist’s casual encounters section. We always hope as usual to find some unusual gems of weirdness among the heaping pile of mostly mediocre postings. We’re looking at Craigslist’s Hartford, Connecticut section again because it’s a sizeable community not too far from me. I may move to Boston or Albany on occasion just to see if posts are any weirder over there.

In June I had close to three hundred web page views for this stuff. Passion must be cooling as I can only document 180 reads in July for my Craigslist posts. However, traffic was down in July in general, a phenomenon I see every summer, with 1466 web page views, so this traffic still accounted for 12% of traffic, which is about normal.

Scanning the first page of posts on this Friday morning I see:

• 43 men looking for a woman
• 39 men looking for a man
• 2 men looking for a couple
• 2 men looking for multiple men
• 1 group of men looking for a man
• 5 women looking for a man
• 2 women looking for a woman
• 1 couple looking for a woman
• 2 transgender persons looking for a man

Let’s see what the cat drags in today:

• This is promising. The first post is from a man with a breast pump looking for an adult breastfeed/adult nursing relationship. He’s open to just about anyone but presumably there has to be a woman in there somewhere, although he is happy if you are a couple, lesbian or straight. Naturally he prefers if you are lactating but I guess he is willing to try to get things primed given that beggars can’t be choosers. Oh, and about him: six foot, 43 and he’s XXX which in this case means extra, extra, extra large but he’s cool with his size. He will send you his picture if you reply. He doesn’t have to worry about straining his fingers from attaching his picture to all the replies he will get.
• She’s from Enfield and eight months pregnant but horny as a toad. Her idea of a good time is not a well-endowed man but a woman with a strap on. You have to host and drive.
• Ladies: he’s 21 and wants to eat your ass out, but only if you are clean. Go figure. No reciprocation and you must host for some reason. Gents: here’s a 28-year-old woman with the same obsession but only if you have nice buns.
• If it’s one thing female posters tend to be clear about when looking for men online: no dick pictures! Men put them up anyhow assuming just the opposite, including men like this 21 year old dude from East Hartford. He is hoping they will attract black women, although apparently any woman will do. Curiously although you can see two explicit dick pictures, he’s willing to send you more. Umm, dude, there’s nothing left to reveal!
• Speaking of big dicks, if you are you 50+ and have one, this 50+ married woman wants to hear from you.
• Be her date … to the Hartford “Arts” Cinema where XXX movies play all day and kinky action happens inside the theater that at least occasionally can model the action on the screen. This black coed will be your date. For the price of two tickets (you pay) she will be the slut you always wanted and presumably both you and the raincoat crowd there will have plenty of carnal knowledge of her.
• Now this is definitely weird: here’s a guy looking for a public wanker: another guy under 40 to jerk off on his car window or dashboard window.
• He’s looking for a guy but has a unique requirement: you must be Russian.
• She can’t get enough and must be too much for her swinging partner so he’s cutting her loose. She likes dominant guys with hard bodies and prefers younger men for their rapid recovery power. Like the Energizer bunny she claims she can keep going and going all night. Bring the Cialis.
• Having stinky feet is an asset to this man, and he is willing to pay a woman for the opportunity for a close encounter with them.
• Her boyfriend is going to be surprised when she (flying in from California) comes to visit and brings you along for a little threesome action. You must be a woman between 24 and 30.
• It’s not everyday that you find a cross dresser looking for another cross dresser. I’m not sure what they would do together. Compare erotic underwear? I probably don’t want to know.

More next month.