Occam's Razor

It’s that time of the month for me to survey the underbelly of Craigslist, at least here in Northern Virginia where I live. It’s the first Friday of the month and based on my previous experience it’s also likely to be a great day to find the weirdest morsels of entertainment from the Craigslist community, courtesy of my regional casual encounters section. With a weekend ahead of them, there are people aplenty on Craigslist who believe that their odd or kinky sex will be served to them their way, and multiple times before they go to work on Monday.

I had at least 215 page views on my Craigslist posts during November. These numbers have gone down in general. They used to be in the upper 200s or low 300s but at least I did marginally better than in October. Some statistics on who’s posting from the first page of posts this evening:

• 33 men are looking for women
• 45 men are looking for men
• 3 men are looking for couples
• 1 man is looking for a group of men
• 1 man is looking for a transgender
• 11 women are looking for men
• 6 women are looking for women
• 4 women are looking for couples
• 7 couples are looking for men
• 1 couple is looking for another couple
• 4 couples are looking for women
• 3 transgender people are looking for men

Time to jump into the cesspool in my latex suit, lest I catch something:

• She’s 26, chubby and has a lot of “desi” experience. I have no idea what this is about but apparently it has something to do with prostate rubbing. Perhaps she is a proctologist in training. Not sure why there is a picture of a half bald guy with his head between a woman’s legs but perhaps that is because I just don’t understand the whole desi thing yet. Does this have anything to do with Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball?
• Here are two ads from the same 38-year-old Reston man, as evidenced by having the same cock picture in both ads. In this ad he’s looking for a slut who puts out and is hoping she will put out with him and a group of guys, although he apparently doesn’t know any guys into this. In his other ad he’s trying to take care of that problem by advertising for a guy to jerk off with, but not because he’s gay, but because he’s looking to partner up so he can be part of his fantasy tag team. I guess it’s best to cover all bases. He says he’s single but since you must host, I’m betting he’s married.
• There’s 420-friendly and then there’s this 26-year-old woman from Manassas looking for another woman who is brave enough to openly post a picture of herself in panties smoking from her bong. She’s apparently done this before because she is hoping Noel is out there and will reply.
• Guys looking for other guys on Craigslist are nothing new. But a guy into guys with a foot fetish is strange. Even stranger is that this short 28-year-old guy from Dumfries wants you to step on him and presumably doing it with boots and cleats is fine. Oh, and he’s in a hurry. It’s got to be tonight! I hope 911 is on his speed dial.
• Ladies: pregnant and horny? You are in luck because this 30-year-old dude wants something different and apparently he hasn’t bagged a pregnant woman before. What could be his real motivation? My guess since he claims to be disease free, is to have unprotected sex without worrying about any pregnancy consequences.
• Ladies, if you are picky and will only settle for young, handsome and well endowed then this 26-year-old man can provide plenty of evidence that he has what you are looking for.
• She’s 22, lives near Dulles and is looking for another woman. She wants her right now and she’s on her period.
• The abbreviations and acronyms in Craigslist can sometimes be over the top, like this: “29 yo chub blk dl bttm looking for big blk dl top”. More of the same in the ad itself. I can’t quite parse all of it but at least I know he’s looking for another man. What’s with his weird black panties?
• Here’s a 53-year-old man looking for a daughter and he’s got a very explicit scenario he’s thinking about. Since he is looking for a long-term relationship with his “daughter”, apparently making her pregnant is not out of the question and maybe something he is hoping for. Let’s hope any potential daughter has more brains and a lower hormone level than he does. Good news, dad. I think I found a candidate daughter for you.
• Sex, drugs, a transgender woman and prostitution all in one ad from this newly unemployed 26-year-old “woman”. “She” apparently is planning multiple conquests tonight, probably because her bank account is low. If you are going to catch a deadly disease, $20 is a pretty cheap and possibly a happy way to start on your journey to hell.
• He’s 18 years old and is home from trade school in Vermont and wants you (a woman) to take care of his virginity problem.
• Women, if you are into urinating or squirting in a man’s mouth, this 29-year-old man wants to hear from you. He’s apparently advertised before but has gotten no responses. What’s wrong with Craigslist women?
• It’s nice to know that at least some African American women are into us 50 year plus men. I won’t be responding but if you meet her age qualification and live near Lorton you might want to see if she actually replies.
• This cuckolding stuff really gets deep. This 30-year-old cuckold couple from Reston (woman is dominant, naturally) is looking for another woman as a “cuckquean”. It’s hard to parse this post but I think this woman gets to act a lot like her submissive husband when the sex is over.

That’s all folks … until 2015.