Occam's Razor

I note at least 241 page views for my Craigslist casual encounters posts last month, down a little, but still a significant source of my site’s traffic. As I have been doing this for about a year now, I’ve come to realize that because on Craigslist the weird is ordinary, at some point these reviews must lose their shock value, kind of like pornography. So those of you who prefer I ditch this stuff and provide my more civilized content instead, well, I may indulge you soon. I find that scanning this stuff in the hopes of getting more traffic is increasingly less interesting, probably because I am doing it more frequently. Meanwhile, what’s up on this Wednesday night in the weird world of Craigslist Casual Encounters, Washington D.C. edition? Warning: following links may take you to photos with sexually explicit content.

Quick counts on the first page of listings: 39 men looking for women, 44 men looking for men, 3 men looking for a couple, 1 man looking for multiple women, 1 man looking for multiple men, and 4 men looking for transvestites/transgender women. Among the alleged women posting, 9 women are looking for men, and no women are looking for anyone else. No couples looking tonight either. I guess they are too busy giving the kids baths and checking their homework. 3 transvestites/transgenders are looking for men.

• Among the latter is a “Magnum XL Girl” with ten inches between her legs. “She” is only 23, or so she says, she’s in a fishnet but I’m not sure how great a catch she is as this is one experience I definitely don’t plan to have, but if I were to judge transvestites on appearance alone, she’d be an 8. She says she has a real ten incher “Magnum”, but I’m guessing it’s closer to eight inches. She may be black and Dominican, but she doesn’t come free. “Nasty gifts are required.” The STDs you may pick up come at no extra charge. Since ads with phone numbers are usually flagged, she posts her phone number in a photo instead. Dial 202-631-8966 if you like playing her game of Russian roulette.
• Among the men looking for men is a true submissive who is open to anything, quite literally. Pick your orifice but you don’t have to limit them to just one. He’s a 20-year-old trim college boy that looks more boy than man and in tight blue briefs. He’s amenable to being tied down (and his picture proves it) and — this is weird — you can cover his whole body in lube. In that case, you had better bring an extra tube of lube and a rubber sheet, but be careful: he might slip away on you.
• Need to get pregnant? Here’s a 23-year-old man who says, “i don’t care” if you are looking to get pregnant, or if you are married. In other words, he’s so highly strung on testosterone that he is the human equivalent of a tomcat in heat and he is anxious to make a deposit providing it is made deep in a woman’s traditional spot. In a way it’s good that he is posting on Craigslist, because he won’t get any responses, and if he were capable of thinking about this for half a second, he’d realize what a jackass of an idea this is. He posts his phone number but only accepts texts.
• Looks like it’s my big opportunity to have carnal knowledge of a woman my daughter’s age, actually a couple of years younger than her, which sounds more than a little creepy. “I’m a female, 22, hwp. I really want to get with an older guy (in his 40’s, 50’s). Respond with a pic!” For a while there was a “Shades of Grey” thing going on among Craigslist women. No mention of that here, or of any craving to be a submissive or a masochist. She’d have to look hard to find my grey. Anyhow, it looks like I already have a ring on my finger, so no thanks! Also, I’d prefer not to have my picture posted across the Internet. What really motivates this woman? Most likely she is looking for a monetary reward and/or some blackmail. Expect a recurring donation on your Mastercard.
• A 25-year-old Silver Spring, Maryland woman wants to know if I have a craving for chocolate. Yes, please, dark chocolate, preferably those addictive dark chocolate peanuts from Wegmans! Oh wait, she means do I have a craving for very obese black women. Umm, not in particular. But it was courteous of you to ask, I guess.
• Now this is definitely weird, even for Craigslist! A 24-year-old Germantown woman wants guys to do a drive by jerk off into a condom. She just wants to watch and maybe direct you. It doesn’t appear that she wants to touch you. But when you are done and have reached your ecstasy, you need to give her your filled up condom. Maybe she should hook up with that third poster. I really think she just wants to get pregnant but doesn’t want intercourse, so perhaps she’s a lesbian with a maternal instinct. The saddest part of this ad is that there are so many horny men in the area that if she is serious she’ll get plenty of offers. My bet: “she” is actually a he, probably a cross-dressing he.
• A black woman from Prince Georges County in Maryland is looking for a stud woman. How is this possible? She looks cute enough from her selfie. She also has a strap-on that she wants to use, and is very freaky but also is looking for a friend. So if you are a freaky and friendly lesbian or bi woman not over size 12, hit her up.
• I knew it would be amusing to scan ads of men looking for multiple men. So many lurid titles to choose from! My favorite is this 50-year-old man from Ashburn, Virginia who posted an ad with the ever so genteel title: “Cum fuck this crossdressing bareback bottom slut and whore”. Read the ad if you want more of the same language. He likes to cross-dress but that’s not a deal killer, he just wants lots of men, or more specifically what’s between their legs, particularly after orgasm. While he says he is a tramp whore, he still has at least one standard: you got to be freshly showered, dudes!
• Okay, just one more of these otherwise I am likely to go blind. Here’s a 29-year-old woman in D.C. into business travelers. She is attracted to single men under 40 who are tall and attractive. She however is a “curvy/BBW real woman”. I suspect any traveling businessman will prefer to hit up the hotel bar instead.

The woman looking for filled up condoms wins my creepy post of the month. More maybe next month.