Occam's Razor

Spring has definitely sprung at last. Our lawn in carpeted with blossoms from our flowering trees. There is nothing like spring to also get the human sex hormones surging. My local Northern Virginia Craigslist casual encounters area seemed unusually pedestrian over our cold winter. I think some libidos went into hibernation. Are they out yet?

First, a quick check on my Craigslist Google Analytics statistics. I count at least 257 page requests for Craigslist casual encounters posts during April. There are also quite a few through Feedburner, but it’s harder to count those, so I won’t. So these posts remain popular, although perhaps a bit less so than last year. Also, let me do a quick check to see how many are posting for what. In the latest 100 posts that came up in my browser, I found 52 men looking for women, 33 men looking for men, one couple looking for a man, one couple looking for a woman, 3 men looking for transvestites, 5 women looking for men and just one woman (actually a lesbian couple) looking for a woman. There are also 5 transvestites looking for men. As usual, links may take you to ads with sexually explicit pictures.

• Let’s start with a she-male from Alexandria. There “she” is, in panties, butthole available to the world in her selfie, but with most of her male parts hidden. Looks like the hormone treatment has just started because she doesn’t have much in the way of chest assets yet. “She” is Asian, but won’t provide her age (I’ll guess 30ish) and doesn’t say much of what she wants outside of the hot men in the title. She does say “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” and “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”.
• Here’s a married 52-year-old man from Loudoun County who has figured an escape clause around the whole cheating thing. He just wants to jerk off for you, providing you are a woman. There’s no sexual contact, if he’s true to his word. It also doesn’t qualify as an emotional affair, unless you count his grunting when he makes his climax. Anyhow, he’s got explicit pictures of his glory spot and he looks trim for a six-foot guy. I doubt he’ll get any takers so he might want to try using a webcam to show off instead. You can also see other pictures of him in this ad. Apparently he doesn’t have much else to do today but take naughty selfies.
• I thought gloryholes were just legend around here because there aren’t too many places in the area grungy enough and disreputable enough to have them. This is because real estate around here is too expensive. Here’s how one gay guy got around the problem: he built his own gloryhole three feet inside his apartment made of plywood. I hope he got permission from the landlord. He’s 44, in the Rosslyn area and prefers them young. I do wonder why a guy would want a gloryhole. It’s no shame to be gay anymore, so why the anonymity?
• A 28-year-old married man wants to be treated like shit by a woman. This seems a strange request, since it suggests that his wife must actually treat him well, and he finds satisfaction from being treated badly. He doesn’t even need sex, just wants to serve. Sounds like he has a bad case of submission fever and is so ashamed he can’t even tell his wife about it.
• Here’s a twist: a 33-year-old bi-guy is looking for a bi-girl. He looks so metrosexual with his tousled hair and loose tie in his selfie. He may be bi and good looking, but apparently he doesn’t get much. It’s been a year since he’s had any sex with other than his right hand. Or maybe it’s been a year since he’s had sex with a woman. Anyhow, he wants to get laid and quick!
• Are you into pregnant women? A 26-year-old single woman is 32 weeks pregnant, horny, and perhaps taking advantage of the fact that she can’t get further knocked up. She’s looking for an ongoing thing with a guy. I guess it’s polite not to ask about the father. She must be bi because she is also advertising for women.
• A single Latina woman, whose pictures are in the ad but who looks too cute to be the poster, is looking to be lied to. Rather, she is looking for a “fib”. I think it’s a typo, and she wants a FWB, a Friend with Benefits. She’s into lots of things including Kyushu, which must be a new kink on Craigslist because I never heard of it before. Also, it looks like she likes Technicolor glowworms on her breasts. What’s that about?
• And speaking of women, here’s a 26-year-old woman from Alexandria not just looking for a woman, but into a group of women. She wants your picture and in fairness she supplied her picture, at least of her privates. Oh good, she shaves down there, but apparently not in the last few days.
• Here’s a couple in their mid 50s who are married, but not to each other, looking for a woman to join them. But really what they want are six to 10 people for one big large orgy. But since they are cheating from their respective spouses, it has to be weekdays during the day. It all sounds so dreadfully complicated.
• Men, do you have a foot fetish? A 40-ish Fairfax couple is looking for you, or rather the female part of the couple is looking for you for what sounds like mostly a very long foot massage. It doesn’t sound like they want you for sex. I must say this lady has cute feet. Painting her toes could be fun.
• I still don’t get the whole cuckold thing, but wimpy submissive husbands with domineering hot wives seems to the latest craze. If this is you and your missus, consider meeting other couples at a Dale City cuckolds couples party. Only the hosting couple is not a cuckold couple, he’s a black male who is dominant and she is the submissive. And he has a few black “bulls” on standby to join the party. Sounds like heaven for wimps.

So the kinky hormones must be kicking in. The pregnant woman into casual pregnant sex raised my eyebrows the most this month. Let’s see what June’s postings reveal.